


sometimes the sun goes out

by theepicwaffleman12



Category: My Little Pony, My Little Pony: Equestria Girls
Genre: Anxiety, F/F, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:35:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27184585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theepicwaffleman12/pseuds/theepicwaffleman12
Summary: A mental health group is started at Canterlot High. When Sunset heads for the first meeting, she ends up seeing the last person she wanted to see there, as well as someone she did not expect.Rated Teen and Up due to references towards mental health, self-harm, and anxiety. Nothing too explicit, but I still wanted to have a warning of sorts!
Relationships: Pinkie Pie/Sunset Shimmer (My Little Pony: Equestria Girls)
Kudos: 14





	sometimes the sun goes out

**Author's Note:**

> A small note that Derpy is referred to by her three well-known names: Muffins, Derpy, and Ditzy. However, as canon calls her Muffins, she is mainly referred to as that. Certain tagged characters are also mostly quick cameos.
> 
> Also, hi! My name's Waffle, you may know me from my tumblr, @theepicwaffleman12. This is my first published fic here, so... that's exciting. You'll mostly see me around the MLP and RWBY sections, whenever I decide to upload. :P

“I can’t believe I’m doing this.”

Sunset Shimmer stood in front of the door to a classroom as the halls lay vacant around her. It was Wednesday afternoon; everyone else had long left the building, but here she was, her hand outstretched to the knob. It twitched once, twice; as if some cosmic force was pulling the girl back. Her eyes trailed to the taped sign: It was a simple sheet of paper that had been decorated with a rather large bright pink marker, reading: "Mental Health Group!" and with an equally rather large smiley face after the exclamation point. There was also, for some strangely familiar reason, a very large amount of glitter that had been plopped onto the sheet, and it sparkled in the lights above.

Any other day, Sunset would find this cute. Perhaps even funny.

But it got worse today.

Much, _much_ worse. 

The guilt of Applejack finding her in a weeping ball on the bathroom floor still wracked her brain, despite Applejack’s insistence that she did not think any different of Sunset as well as the comforting (and also incredibly strong) hug she gave. It helped that AJ was close to a human lie detector, and so she did not fall for any of Sunset’s initial explanations; it allowed Sunset a rare outlet to fully vent.

She reached out for the knob once more, then turned it. Before the door could fully open, a flash of pink whizzed by, and Sunset got that feeling in her stomach: that feeling when you’ve eaten something that you didn’t know had expired, or when you bomb a super important test that you tried really hard at, or when you get a rainbow laser blasted into your formally egotistical self’s face. To put it rather simply, that little, teensy-weensy feeling when you just fucked up big time. Standing before her was Pinkie Pie: Drummer, party planner, fun-loving baker extraordinaire.

...She was _also_ Sunset's girlfriend.

They had started dating sometime after the whole Post Crush incident, one Sunset enjoyed looking back on because of how happy Pinkie had been on the last few loops. It was actually Pinkie who had asked first, much to Sunset's surprise—and, one would add, probably relief. Their relationship was no different than that of the rest of their friends, just with slightly more hugging, kissing, and playful banter. 

They were also very open about said hugging, kissing, and banter. At least Applejack and Rarity had the gall to be subtle with their flirting.

It was standard relationship stuff, one supposes, but the two very much enjoyed each other's company, despite the constant barrage of well-meaning teasing the two had to put up with from who else but Rainbow Dash, who once said that she would, quote, “rather join the cheerleading club and retire from every sport I’ve ever played than listen to these two lovebirds yak about each other’s smiles for the tenth time today.” Nevertheless, it was all in good fun. This, however, was not good fun.

Now, here Sunset was standing in front of her girlfriend, Pinkie's arms outstretched for a hug, her lips slightly puckered for a kiss. Sunset waved her arms in a 'Not now' gesture.

"Pinks, what... What are you doing here?" She tried to word it as to not sound like she was being rude; she was genuinely curious.

"Well..." Pinkie took a deep breath. "You know how a few weeks ago, Principal Celestia asked about volunteers for a new club she was trying to organize, and I thought, hey, I wanna help! So I headed down and there were a few others, but it kind of got uncomfortable when she mentioned this whole 'mental health' stuff, because that makes a _lot_ of people feel sad just _talking_ about it, so I raised my hand and asked to volunteer because I'm actually a pretty good listener—not a lot of people seem to think that and I have _no_ idea why—and she said okay, and now I'm here! And now you're here and you can help me, yippee!" Pinkie exhaled and beamed at Sunset, jumping about an entire foot into the air with that last sentence and somehow freezing in that pose mid-air for longer than she should’ve.

Sunset blinked, but shook her head to erase her confusion. Her legs trembling slightly, Sunset sat down in one of the few chairs that were arranged in a circle, as Pinkie suddenly popped up behind her and hugged her from behind.

"I didn't know you knew about this kind of stuff," Sunset said, looking up at her girlfriend’s currently upside-down beaming face.

"Oh, I don't, really. At least, I don’t think so.” Pinkie shrugged. "But that doesn't mean I'm not going to try and help!"

 _Yep, that's Pinkie, all right_ , thought Sunset as her eyes absentmindedly scanned the vacant chairs. She turned her attention to Pinkie again: "So, is there anyone else coming?"

"I don't know. Principal Celestia said to meet after school today, but as far as I know, no one else’s here."

As if that statement was a summoning ritual, the call was almost immediately answered. The sudden sound of a knock made them both jump. Pinkie and Sunset turned their heads to the doorway as a blond wall-eyed girl timidly stood in the entry, rubbing her arm.

"Muffins? What are you doing here, Baking Club isn't until tomorrow!" exclaimed Pinkie, all of a sudden standing in front of the other girl in less than the blink of an eye.

Muffins nodded, "I know.” It was said in a tone of voice that almost sounded ashamed. Pinkie gave a questioning look to Sunset, who gave one back, and waved Muffins in. Muffins sat down in the chair opposite of Sunset, silently looking down at the floor. At least, Sunset assumed she was looking at the floor. It was never easy to tell with the poor girl.

Pinkie looked up at the clock, and clapped her hands. "Alrighty! It's four and I guess no one else is coming, so... It's just us!"

"Sounds fine with me," Sunset replied. Muffins just nodded again. Taking her own seat, Pinkie looked at both girls and cleared her throat.

"So, I know we all know each other, but I think we should still introduce ourselves! I'm Pinkie Pie, I'll be your host this evening!"

"I'm Sunset Shimmer." Sunset raised a hand and waved nonchalantly.

"My name is Muffins, but everyone calls me... well, they call me a lot of things." Muffins sighed, fiddling with her hands, her tie, her skirt, her hair, pretty much anything in a nearby vicinity. "Derpy, Ditzy, klutz, idiot, screw-up... Some words I… don't want to say..."

Pinkie winced. “How do you feel about that?”

“Huh?”

Pinkie gestured with her arms towards Muffins. “Y’know, your thoughts about some of the names they call you! Do you like any of it, do you not like it?”

“Well, I actually don’t mind Derpy,” Muffins began, a tiny smile wavering on her face. “It’s… it’s silly, but that’s what I am! Ditzy is fine, too; I can be a bit forgetful…” The smile crashed to the floor almost as soon as it appeared. “I don’t like the others, though. They… they make me feel sad.”

“So, what do you want us to call you? Muffins, Derpy, Ditzy?” Sunset asked, an eyebrow raised but her tone genuine.

“I guess any of them.” Muffins fiddled with her hands again, intertwining the fingers in and out, back and forth. Her foot bounced slightly as the girl appeared to be shrinking into herself by the second, her eyes wandering the room wildly.

“I’ll stick with Muffins,” chimed in Pinkie, and Sunset nodded, adding, “Yeah. It’s what we know you best by.”

A quiet “Thank you” was said as Muffins blinked rapidly, and the other two could see she was trying not to cry. They looked at each other, then back at Muffins. 

In the end, it was Pinkie who asked the inevitable: “...Are you okay?”

The response was an even quieter “No.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“W-what about Sunset? You haven’t a-asked her anyth-thing yet,” Muffins sniffled as she rubbed her reddening eyes with her tie.

“You… you want to wait until Pinkie asks _me?_ ” Sunset was completely taken off guard by this. Pinkie rubbed the back of her head in confusion.

“...Please?” Muffins’ voice is soft, as if she was forcing herself to speak. Pinkie gave Muffins a worried look, but she reached into her hair and pulled out a clipboard and pen from the poofy portal, as well as a small (and oddly enough, completely intact and hair-free) cupcake, which she quickly popped into her mouth.

“Principal Celestia said that I have to follow this order of questions,” explained the party planner as tiny, practically invisible, crumbs fell from her mouth. Sunset snickered at this, but turned to Pinkie: “Go ahead.”

“Okie dokie~! So, question one: How are you feeling today?”

Sunset thought for a bit. “Aside from, um... earlier today, I feel… okay, I guess? I don’t know, it’s been… eh, y’know? Just an average day.”

Pinkie jotted this down, then scanned the sheet. “Question two- Oh, we can skip this one! I know you’d _never_ do this, Sunshim!” She laughed and showed her sheet to Sunset, pointing to the second question, which read as follows:

 _Question two: In the past day/week/month, have you hurt yourself? (Skip if necessary, but_ **_ONLY_ ** _if necessary.) This may seem uncomfortably blunt, however if the student needs help, we need to find a way as quickly as possible to help them._

Sunset looked down at the floor, refusing to look at her girlfriend, or anywhere near her, for that matter. Pinkie’s laughter slowly turned to more of a nervous one, becoming more of an insistent chuckle.

“Right, you haven’t… You haven’t done that, right? You’d tell me!” 

_Pinkie’s getting desperate_ , Sunset realized. She knew it was only a matter of time, but she was just too scared. How would Pinkie react? What would she say, what would she _do?_ Would she be mad? Sad? Afraid? Would she lose her trust, thinking that Sunset may be hiding other things?

Of course, there’s only one way to possibly answer those questions. Sunset exhaled, then opened her mouth: 

“Yes.”

It’s one little word, but it’s enough to send Pinkie into a state of shock. For a few agonizingly slow moments, no one moves or speaks; Sunset can’t even tell if any of them are _breathing_ at this point. She looked at Pinkie, whose expression had gone vacant, the pink colour literally draining itself out of her skin, flooding into a small puddle on the tiles below before quickly popping back up into her body. Her eyes were wide with pupils completely constricted, her mouth closed but clearly a few moments away from screaming. Her hands were trembling, her knees were wobbling, and Sunset swore she could hear Pinkie’s heart beat faster than any of her drum solos.

Sunset reached out and held Pinkie’s hand, and felt it clench to her tightly. It seemed that she had a _teeny_ bit of explaining to do.

“Remember last Tuesday when you were over at my place? You came downstairs that night, I was bent over the sink and I said I was just feeling a little sick.”

“Yyyyeah, and then… then I went back to bed, and I found you on the couch the next morning. You looked really pale, and just horrible! Like a ghost!” Pinkie felt a chill run up her spine as she flashed back to the event.

“Do, um… d-do you remember what I was holding in my hand?”

Pinkie did, in fact. It was a small razor, and at the time, Pinkie assumed nothing of it. Perhaps Sunset had just wanted something to squeeze, like a stress ball. A long, sharp stress ball. One with just visible dried stains of blood in the darkness that Pinkie had also decided to ignore, or maybe she didn’t see them at the time, and now thinking back, she could see them clear as day.

“...W-where did you do it?” That was all Pinkie—albeit hesitantly—asked. Silently, Sunset pulled her shirt sleeve up, revealing a small, slowly fading scar on her upper right arm.

“Um… what led you to do that?” That was Muffins, who was staring at the scar with a mix of curiosity and worry. 

“Y-yeah, Sunshim? Did… did we do this? D-did _I_ do this?” Pinkie’s voice was now scratchy and dry, and Sunset knew that Pinkie was about to break. Spreading her arms, Sunset took Pinkie into a giant hug, one almost as strong as what Pinkie would usually give out. She rubbed her hand through Pinkie’s hair, quietly stroking the curls, feeling them bounce with as much energy (well, as much _usual_ energy) as the person they were attached to.

“No, Pinks. You didn’t do this at all. You would never _ever_ cause this.” Sunset gave a loving smile to her girlfriend before she continued, “But, sometimes the weight of what we do just… crashes down on me. It’s hard, y’know? Getting up and fighting some weird monster, or some magic-holding teenager, and it takes its toll. Being a hero is fun, yeah, but I… _we_ can’t solve _every_ problem we get around here.”

Pinkie was hesitant, and perhaps a bit skeptical. “There’s something else, isn’t there?”

It was Muffins who figured it out: “Are you… are you being bullied again?”

Sunset nodded grimly. “It’s not as bad as… _that_ incident,”—and Pinkie winced at the unnamed event even though all three of them knew _exactly_ what she was talking about—“But apparently some students have decided to make me a scapegoat for all the magical stuff going on. I guess the good thing is they’re not _physical_ with their actions; worst they do is leave notes in my locker, telling me to... k-kill myself. ‘Maybe it’ll take the magic with you, bitch.’” Sunset used air quotes on that last part, her hands visibly trembling.

“It just h-hurts me, Pinkie. It hurts me so much that people still just want me to die, even though I have _nothing_ to do with it! D-do you know what it’s like, working to make sure people know you’re not the po- er, person you were all those years ago, only for it to be seemingly ripped away like it’s _nothing?_ I’ve had that happen _twice_ to me now!

“You all _hated_ me back then! And then, when… _it_ happened, you just cast me aside, and no one cared! You-you-you yelled at me, you turned away from me, some of you threw stuff at me! Ever have to go home and clean off the smell of old cafeteria food, Pinkie? Or garbage? I could’ve jumped off the _fucking_ _roof_ and you probably would’ve thrown a party back then! Wouldn’t even bury me properly: ‘Here lies Sunset Shimmer. Good riddance.’”

“Hey, I wouldn’t even do somethi-” Pinkie began, offended that Sunset would _ever_ think that, but she’s cut off as Muffins hesitantly cleared her throat.

“Please don’t.”

Sunset looked up, wiping her eyes. “Huh?”

“Please don’t jump. It won’t do you any favours.”

“I didn’t say I was _going_ to jump, Muffins,” said Sunset. “I said I _could’ve_ jumped, but I _didn’t_.”

“I would’ve missed you, Sunset. I really like being around you, and Pinkie, and your friends. I’d feel awful thinking that one of you was d-...gone.” Muffins halted on that last word, replacing it quickly. 

“Would you have missed me back then, even though I picked on you? Would you think I deserved to be missed?” Sunset looked at Muffins, searching for any sign of a lie, but surprisingly didn't find any in her answer.

“Yes.”

“B-but why? I… I called you awful things, I took your muffins and smashed them into the wall, I tripped you in the halls and then mocked you, _to your face!_ I don’t deserve to be forgiven for that.” Sunset sighed, and Pinkie held her even tighter than before. “I kind of admire you, y’know? You always kept your head up, even when I tried to force it back down. Why?”

“I’ve... been through a lot worse than name calling and food stealing,” Muffins said. Her voice had gone from quiet to almost angry. “Some of these people are just… mean! They write horrible things to me, they tease me on any socials, they tell people to stay away from me like they’ll catch some sort of disease, they flat out say that no one likes me… and sometimes I believe them.”

Pinkie’s reply is instant. “That’s not true at all! I like you, Sunset likes you, my friends like you! You’ve got lots of people who like you, like Bulk, Lyra and Sweetie Drops, Flash at least appreciated the comfort you tried to give him, even Trixie likes you—y’know, not that she’d ever _admit_ it. You’re a super duper fun person to be around!”

“Thank you, Pinkie, but… it never feels like it’s enough. I-is that selfish?”

“Nnnnope.” That was Sunset, somewhat borrowing from Big Mac. “I… kind of feel the same way sometimes. I love my friends, but when they seem like they’re the only defense you have, you wonder if they’ll really be there for you, even when you know they will.”

“Muffins?” Pinkie’s voice was hesitant again, but the question had to be asked. “Have _you_ hurt yourself in the past week or so?”

The reply to that is Muffins lifting her skirt up a bit, showing a tiny, almost invisible, scar on her thigh, lifting her shirt up to show a slightly bigger but still barely visible scar on her stomach, and tugging down her collar to reveal the biggest of the three sitting at the base of her collarbone. It was the most visible, and suddenly Sunset knew why Muffins liked wearing shirts with collars.

“Wh-wh-… when did… when did you d-...” Sunset can barely get the words out. Muffins was showing her and Pinkie things that possibly not even her parents knew about, and Sunset could feel that pit in her stomach again; hell, she felt like she was about to puke from the uneasy emotions seeping throughout the room.

“That day I was out, I said that I wasn’t feeling well? I was sort of telling the truth, because the whole day, I sat on my bed and cried, I screamed, I hugged myself… and then I went to the kitchen and opened the drawer, and… I-I-I… I got out a small knife a-and… and...

“I didn’t want to do it at all, but… someone in my head told me I should! It sounded like _me_ , it said I’d feel better, it said that it would help to make the sad thoughts go away, and all I want is to just get rid of them, and I… I-I...

“...I believed it,” Muffins choked out, now fully lost in a panic attack, shaking back and forth in the chair, holding herself tightly, her breathing rapid and ragged, her voice torn. Her face was scrunched up and her eyes grew bloodshot. Nearly clawing at herself, she repeated the mantra over and over in a trance-like state: “I believed it, I believed it, I believed…”

Pinkie and Sunset looked at each other silently, then they got up and moved over to where Muffins was sitting and let her into the embrace as Muffins let out a throat-ruining combo of a scream and a sob, her nails digging deeper into her gray flesh, desperately trying to hold herself together in a quite literal sense. Her feet were bouncing rapidly, almost stomping the floor, and her shaking increased tenfold. The two girls held Muffins for a long time as her spirit slowly regained control of her body, letting herself feel warm by their arms. The shaking slowly stopped, and her breaths grew calm and quiet. A few sobs and sniffles were the only sounds in the room for a few minutes.

Pinkie breathed in and out, once, twice, letting her own emotions calm themselves down. She wiped her eyes and looked at the chart once more, then she put it back into her hair and it vanished. 

“Don’t you have to fill that out?” Sunset asked.

“Oh, I will, later, even if I’ll _hate every nanosecond of it_. But right now, I want to go somewhere with you two, so we can enjoy ourselves for a bit!” Pinkie’s clearly trying to force a smile, but Sunset and Muffins both knew that she was nowhere near her usual chipper self.

“Can, um… can we bring Wallflower? I haven’t seen her in a while, I’m getting worried about her too.” Sunset rubbed her arm, then turned to Muffins. “I don’t actually have her number, but you have her number, right? Can you call her?”

“Ummm… I can try,” replied Muffins, and she does exactly that, putting it on speaker so all three of them could talk to her if needed. The phone rings, and it rings, and it ringed again. It fell silent for a moment before a nervous (and somewhat tired) voice answered:

“...Muffins?”

“Hi, Wallflower. I’m at school with Pinkie and Sunset, and they were wondering if you wanted to join us!”

“With what?”

“We, uh… we don’t know yet, but we just want to know if you’re interested.” Muffins handed the phone to Sunset, clearly expecting that Sunset wanted to say something.

“Wallflower? Sunset here.”

“Oh… hey. How’ve you been?”

(Wasn’t _that_ the question of the hour, it seemed.)

“Bit off and on, I guess. You? I haven’t seen you in weeks, I’m starting to get really worried, Wall. I miss you.” Sunset’s voice is on the edge of breaking again, and she hopes Wallflower can’t tell.

“I, um… that’s sweet and all, really, but… it’s getting worse, Sunset. It’s getting so much worse, my meds aren’t doing anything, and I’m… I’m just scared of any possible e-exit,” Wallflower said, and her voice cracked at that last part.

“Is there anything we can do to help?” Pinkie inquired, bouncing up and down as if to somehow calm her nerves.

“No, Pinkie, I d-don’t think so… I’m really sorry. But thank you, though. I mean it.”

“Oh… okay, then…” Pinkie’s hair drooped a bit, and Sunset hated seeing Pinkie like that, but from her own personal experience, some battles just had to be fought alone, no matter how much support you had.

“Take care of yourself, okay, Wall?”

“I’ll, um… I’ll c-certainly try, Sunset. See you around.” A click sounded after that, and Sunset knew that Wallflower was without a doubt due a visit as soon as possible. If Sunset had sounded on the edge of breaking during her venting, then Wallflower had reached self-implosion.

Muffins placed her phone back into a pocket and looked at the other two. “So, where do we go? What are we even gonna do?”

“Sugarcube Corner, on me!” said Pinkie. “I always feel a little better after a little yummy in my tummy!” Muffins nodded eagerly to this, and they turned to Sunset with wide, pleading eyes.

“...Alright, alright,” said the redhead, and she’s genuinely smiling again as the three exited the classroom and set out down the hallway. It’s a calm smile, one of relaxation and fondness, but also one of pain. One of struggle and hurt, and Pinkie can finally see behind the mask now. 

At least Sunset can honestly confide in her girlfriend whenever such a scenario like this inevitably happened again, and that oddly comforted her. While some battles could be fought alone, the war was much easier won with someone by your side, especially someone like Pinkie Pie.

The sun just poked out from behind clouds as Sunset pulled herself from her thoughts, realizing they were now outside. She noticed Pinkie staring at her intently, a sly smile on her adorable face. (She also noticed Muffins—Sisters bless her—doing her absolute best to act nonchalant to the two, despite almost walking into a nearby pole.)

Pulling her girlfriend aside, Pinkie whispered, “When we get home? We’re snuggling on the couch for a solid _hour_ , no interruptions! Just me, you, a blanket, and a hot cocoa~!” 

To Sunset, that sounded just fine.


End file.
